Yesterday was our 11th Wedding Anniversary.
Milestones have a way of dropping us into the lens of nostalgia and it seems a natural time to take a bit of inventory. Anniversaries, birthdays, beginnings, endings, they all give us pause to look back and take stock of where we’ve been, how far we’ve come, and where we want to go.
Most of you know the story of how Diego and I met. We were both living in the Pyrenees that bordered France and Spain, I was working as an English teacher, him as a ski instructor. Our courtship lasted all of about 9 months and spanned Spain, California, and Argentina when we decided to get married. Some would say it was too fast, maybe even go so far as say it was reckless.
But how does one ever truly know, what’s right and wrong in this lifetime of ours?
If you talk to enough elders in your life, who have the benefit of hindsight, they’ll warn you that their mistakes were made when they didn’t listen to their own inner knowing. They’ll tell you to trust your gut. Things don’t always make logical sense, and yet there’s a part of us that just knows.
In the photo above, if you look closely, you’ll see we are both red-faced and teary-eyed. I didn’t cry the sweet, emotional tears of a blushing bride. Nope. My tears were something entirely different.
Minutes before as the state-appointed officiant had presided over our ceremony with a handful of friends from work, my brother and sister-in-law, the only family members present, I stood in the middle of the marble stairway with my hand in his. In total, we had a crowd of probably 10 people, and I promised to spend forever with the man at my side while doing my best to not hyperventilate. Unfortunately, despite my best effort, I could not hold back the ugly cry. Like the real ugly, face pinched up, snot-nosed, red-faced, body shaking…ugly cry.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love him. I did. But I wasn’t totally sure about forever, that just seemed so final. And, let’s be real, this day looked nothing like the visions of my wedding day I’d fantasized of as a child. There was no white dress and jazz quartet, my parents weren’t there, his parents, my sister, his siblings, our best friends….no one.
Dressed in Frye boots, a terrible outfit, and my best faux smile I could manage, I knew I wanted to marry this man, my heart was sure I wanted to do this, but my mind was screaming…this isn’t what your wedding day is supposed to look like!
I couldn’t explain my decision logically, but thankfully I had the courage to do it anyway. We did eventually get our big celebration, complete with strings of twinkle lights, a tiered cake, and a band, but that’s not really what love and sharing a life is all about, is it?
Since we said “I Do,” on those cold, marble steps over a decade ago, we’ve shared too many things to count. There was no way I could know on that Friday in April, the depth of what we would create and share together. The loss and the deaths of loved ones; we created two beautiful humans and watched them come to life and discover the world within them and around them; we took a two-year journey across the Atlantic to Spain and Greece, and then back again to set out to the southernmost state of Mexico; we’ve bought and sold a house, refurbished countless pieces of beat up furniture and created a home together; and we survived a 9-month separation and near divorce.
I couldn’t know all of these things, I just had to trust.
There are so many pieces that make up the story of us as individuals and as a couple. And the same goes for you. Your story and the events in your life who have made you who you are. The graduations, the friendships, the heartbreak, and the celebrations.
There are times in our lives when we don’t know how all the pieces fit together. We feel lost and unsure of what comes next. And yet, if we go to that place inside of us where things are always still and we can access our own wisdom.
I write to you about this idea of our life as a mosaic, and this idea of getting still and going within ourselves, because next week I am partnering with some of my favorite people and we are hosting the Mosaics of our Lives Free 7 Day Writing Journey.
We deliver a week of writing prompts and interviews designed to help you take stock of your life in a fun and playful way. I’d love to have you join us. We start Monday, April 8th, and it’s entirely free.
Since the journey is based on some of my favorite quotes, I’ll leave you with one now as well as some photos/pieces of my life’s mosaic…
“You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away. But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.”
— Jeff Foster
Guests at a friend of Deigo’s wedding in Argentina. I am so skinny!
Our courtship began on the dancefloor, what a metaphor for life in general.
Jaxon, our firstborn, just hours old. Two becomes three.
One of our first dinners not long after our reconciliation.
So Happy Anniversary to us! And thank you for following along with us. You support means the world to us. I do hope you’ll join us for the Mosaics Writing Journey next week and share a little bit of YOUR journey with us.
