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Spoiler Alert: A RTW Adventure Doesn’t Save a Marriage

“You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away. But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.”

— Jeff Foster

hooverwildnerness-2

Despite big dreams and a whole lotta love—Diego and I have decided to separate.

Since selling our home and trading our security for our passions—there’s been monumental highs and lows. But at the end of the day, most of the lows come from the way we relate to one another. It’s not for lack of love or trying.

When we arrived back in California the beginning of this summer, we didn’t really even know where to park ourselves. We’ve been working hard all summer to establish a little stability, even though what we’re all still craving is adventure. A boat. Love and tranquility.

But as a couple, those things seems constantly just out of reach.
When we’re apart they seem as natural as inhaling.

There’s so many losses we’re grieving it’s hard to separate one from the other. But move forward we must. And honestly we’re both pretty hopeful people.

We were so close to all our grandiose plans before it all unraveled. It seemed the harder we worked, the more difficult life became.

In many ways, it feels like a failure of epic proportions—but we’ve all grown so much together—I like to focus on that. Just because love is ending, doesn’t mean it was never here. And the four of us will be intertwined for life.

I’m a firm believer in life happens for us, not to us—so I’m being still and quiet as the lessons and truths from all this experience has to offer shower down around me.

I think what’s most difficult—is whenever I’ve lost a significant relationship in the past, my jam was to run as far away from the person as possible; Bury my sorrows on a far-flung alpine peak in the Pyrenees, or with dance it out with a tribe of villagers in the Volta region of Ghana.

Obviously that’s not an option for me as the mother of two small children. They need both their mama and their daddy here together, even if we’re not “together.”

So I have had to get creative and resourceful and find ways to break and heal while keeping myself strong and present for my children. Sometimes life gives us circumstances that remind us we are capable of such much more than we thought possible.

I’m spending a lot of time in my art journals as well as the wilderness of my own heart and physical mountains around me. My babies are watching, and while at times I’m able to find the space to quietly fall apart, for the most part their faith in me gives me unbelievable strength to face this, and the path of destruction and healing that lays ahead.

Here’s a few photos from my forage into the wilderness last weekend. There’s nothing like a baptism in a cold alpine lake to realign your spirit.

hooverwildnerness-3A little eastern Sierra magic is always a good idea.
hooverwildnerness-6Alpine glow in the late afternoon sun.
hooverwildnerness-1Laughter really is the best medicine.

hooverwildnerness-5

I’m grateful beyond measure for the women in my life who have walked this path before me, and are so ready to allow me to lean into them during this time. A woman whom I’ve only just met, (yet I felt her magic instantly, for friendship is not time spent, but rather being present for one another) sent me a note that seared through all the pain, right to my core. She shared some of her own struggles and her “grace and gratitude” method for tackling one day at a time. Love comes to us in unexpected ways when we need it most.

This isn’t the ending I had in mind when we set out two years ago on a journey to reclaim our hearts and spirits. But I know if we keep love (and not fear) at the heart of every decision we’re faced with—we’ll all come out with even more love than we started with.

And a little positive thinking never hurt anyone.

birth

Here’s to love. May we cherish it in whatever form it comes to us.

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Tiffiney Lozano is the creator of the Mama Said Project and two crazy humans. She offers workshops for women craving connection with themselves and the world around them. After 18- months of continuous travel she and her family are finding adventure in the everyday from the comfort and beauty of their home in the Sierra Nevada mountains near Lake Tahoe.
15 Comments... add your own
  • November 14, 2016, 8:40

    I appreciate your honesty, and I sympathize. We’re on a RTW adventure right now, and I can see that traveling shines a spotlight on your strengths and weaknesses, your joys and pain, your similarities and differences. Everything is magnified.

    May God bless you in your decisions, and give you peace. Your kids will be fine. You have my best wishes for the future.

    Yvonne

  • September 11, 2016, 5:17

    I’m sorry to hear about your separation. Even though it’s based on mutual decisions, it’s never easy. Sending you thoughts and love.
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  • Penny Mercier
    September 9, 2016, 3:33

    Tiffiney – sad to hear. Hugs and love to you both. xx

  • September 9, 2016, 9:16

    Tiffiney – I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. You write so poignantly about change and growth and love, and I always look to you to say it straight. It looks like you’re in a rejuvenating place, and with the right people around you. Big hugs!
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    • September 9, 2016, 9:56

      Thank you Julie, I am so grateful to be surrounded by incredible people and beautiful mountains at the moment. Thanks for your kind words–what can I do but tell the truth?

      Excited for your next adventure! Life is never dull–that is for damn sure!

      Xo

  • Andres Pautasso
    September 9, 2016, 8:38

    Me quedé muy asombrado! No miu contento que mi viejo amigo Diego y Tiff se separen.
    La vida va dando mensajes y opciones. Ojala sea solo por un tiempo. El tiempo dirá.
    Les deseo que sigan criando a esos dos bombones y que sigan siendo felices.
    Andres

    • September 9, 2016, 9:47

      Gracias Andres!
      Hay mucho amor entra nosotros. Vamos a ver que la vida quiere para nosotros.
      Gracias por tus palabras.

      Xo

  • Victoria markham
    September 9, 2016, 8:10

    Unbelievably raw and so incredibly amazing to witness somone sharingtheir truth in this way..open, exposed, available for us all to be human women together..thank you for the gift this morning as I roll out of bed after a horendously challenging marriage day yesterday..I send blessings streight to your mama heart and you find your new path…

    • September 9, 2016, 9:46

      Thank you Victoria. Once we bring these truths to the light–the shame melts away.
      The pain is truly in the secret keeping.

      Sending love your way. We are never alone in these things.

      Xo

  • September 8, 2016, 4:40

    Sending you lots of love and a big Mexican hug. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    • September 9, 2016, 9:45

      Thank you Justine. I so appreciate it.
      Feeling very loved and nourished from friends around the world. Xo

  • September 8, 2016, 3:29

    I’ve been thinking of you so much, lady. Sending you love and hope and courage. xx

    • September 9, 2016, 9:44

      Thank you Bethany!
      It’s amazing the outpouring of love I’m feeling. I’ll take and shine it right back!
      Xo

  • September 8, 2016, 2:23

    You are a survivor Tiffany! I went through this after 27 years. It was hard but I made it and much stronger now. Just know that I will hold you all up with love and light.❤️🎆

    • September 9, 2016, 9:43

      Thank you Martha! You are a perfect example of brave beauty, and I know in the end I’ll be rewarded for standing with my truth. I guess it’s the only thing I can do.

      Xo

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