Since I’ve launched this blog ( a whole however many days ago that was!) people have been so supportive and awesome and encouraging, both on-line and in real life.
But before we go any further, I want to make one thing clear: It’s not all sunshine and rainbows in my life.
I fight with my husband, I yell at my kids. I do not have the answers on how to be the perfect wife, mother or human, anymore than the next martini-toting mother. (And for those of you that know me in real life, you can totally validate this in the comments below, with your own amusing Tiffiney Lozano stories!)
We have made this decision as a family to take a time out and travel with our children for an undetermined amount of time, because we feel it will make us stronger as a family. Because what we were doing wasn’t working for us. But we are in no way dissing on other people’s lifestyles. Our little community of Quincy, CA is home to the High Sierra Music Festival and is nothing short of an amazing place to call home. Seriously, some of the coolest people in the world call this home, and I feel we’ve got serious street cred to make that audacious claim, because between Diego and I, we’ve visited something like 40 countries. So that’s saying something. We love it here, and will absolutely be back someday, but we also have this untameable wanderlust. There are so many beautiful places in the world! Do I have to pick just one?
Anyway, back to my straight talk.
I am a certified Idealist (you can find out what you are here) that strives to be the perfect mother/person that lives in my brain. When I fall grossly short of that mythical goddess, I indulge my imperfections, cut myself a break and either enjoy a delicious adult beverage, a calming yoga or meditation session, a nice bitch session with my girlfriends, or a vulnerable, insightful talk with someone I trust to self-reflect . Inside my brain there’s this constant struggle of who I want to be, and who I am. I do find myself moving in a more conscious, intentional direction, because that seems to be more effective in creating the life I want to live. But I’m always going to be the sassy, smack-talking, rowdy girl, because let’s face it, talking smack is fun! I do try to be mindful, kind, compassionate and purposeful with my choices and the way I treat others. But yes, I’m human and going to fuck up. (sorry I should mention that if you don’t like the word fuck, you might not like my blog. I firmly believe that you can be an AWESOME human, spiritual and intentional, AND use the F word. If you don’t share this belief, you are absolutely a better human than me and I’m okay with that.)
The way I see it, the most important thing we all have to do, is show up just as we are, in this moment. All our strengths, all our imperfections, all of our blissful potential, and report for this duty of living. If we wait until we’re perfect, we’re never going to start.
Just the other day, a dear friend shared something about another friend, and she was irritated. Totally, normal, human emotion. (Please go away and stop reading my blog if you have never felt irritated.) Anyway, she later text me and apologized for her not so zen words about the other individual, to which I replied, Sister PLEASE! You can’t be perfect all the time, and in fact I would not want to hang out with you if you we’re always more spiritually advanced than me, because it would make me feel bad about myself! We giggled and joked about sunshine enemas, which don’t sound any more appealing than the real deal.
So I guess this is my big, dirty, internet confession to you: I don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t think my choices are better than yours. So while I am trying to show up, do my best, and create the best possible life for myself and my family, I’m fumbling through this life just like everyone else. I’m feeling my way through, trying to be a good person, and I happen to think that’s actually rather fun. Personal growth and transformation is what I live for. It’s often painful and humbling, but I wouldn’t settle for anything less. There is a wonderful quote that I have hanging in my office, that always inspires me to live big without apology.