Diego’s headed to Spain for work this week. It’s only 10 days, but you’d think it was forever with the emotional outbursts I’ve been having all week. All of a sudden I’m a nervous wreck.
Even though I feel 150% comfortable in Mexico with the kids, I’m grateful to be part of a team. Who will carry the big ass 12 gallon water jugs the 10 blocks from the market? Who will go to battle in Oaxaca traffic to get us from point A to point B? Who will carry the groceries and our 4-year-old during an epic meltdown those same 10 blocks back to the house?
This girl. That’s who. But dang, will it make me appreciate him. And that’s a good thing, of course.
This brief separation period has transported me back to a few years ago when we were locked in a vicious cycle of no-sleep, criticism and blame. Back to a time we had slipped entirely into ego, and had chosen to be victims rather than problem solvers. Because of course it’s easier to blame someone else, than face our own shit.
It’s humbling to me that as much as we love each other, we were ready to throw it all away.
That’s what a joyless life paired with sleep deprivation will do.
And so it’s been over a year now since we decided to say goodbye to security and take a chance on happiness.
We decided to be totally public and transparent about our struggles. As we fought to find our balance again as a couple, as a family, as human beings, we felt so alone. Like we were the only ones going through this pain. People around us thought we were so happy, and yet we could barely make it through a day without some kind of screaming match. We were putting on the biggest scam of our lives.
And now we know, that lots of relationship goes through hard times where one or the other, or both partners feel misunderstood, unappreciated and frustrated. Through this blog, and in our circle of friends, we wanted to be truth tellers. To erase the stigma of seeking support. If we can’t admit there is a problem, how can we ever hope to solve it?
In a culture where there’s always something new and improved, it’s hard to appreciate that relationships are different. That the more we invest, the more there will be for us to enjoy.
Anyway, I certainly don’t have marriage advice to offer anyone (my husband can attest to that!) But I can say I’m incredibly grateful, we invested in the help we needed, and we got rid of everything that wasn’t serving us our highest good, from junk in our garage, to outdated belief systems, to unnecessary cars, and mediocre jobs.
It certainly hasn’t been easy. But I can say we’ve been intentional and compassionate partners ever since we recommitted to our hopes, dreams, and one another. Turns out that spending time doing things that bring you joy, reignites your love for not only your spouse, but also yourself. Even if they are small things.
Anyway, in case you’re curious where Diego is off to, he’ll be at a beautiful villa in Tossa del Mar, (on the Costa Brava above Barcelona) filming a brand new creative workshop for bloggers, photographers, writers and other inspired entrepreneurs. It’s called Create Camp, and it’s awesome.
If you’re into Mediterranean sea views and Barcelona architecture, you can follow him on Instagram. This next week is sure to be a steady stream of Catalan goodness.
So don’t worry about me. I’ll be the one schlepping a big gallon of water over my shoulder with a oversized 4-year-old on my hip (spoken in my best Eeyore voice.)
Sometimes we don’t realize what we have, until it’s gone. Hurry home honey! We miss you already!
Here’s to love,
P.S. I want to make abundantly clear, that I am a supporter of personal happiness. I am in no way in judgement of those who leave unhealthy and unhappy relationships. I truly believe we know in the depths of our hearts, what the right decision for our wellbeing is.
Radical self love is where it all starts, right?